A Public Service Announcement from 1980

I found this booklet hidden among the files when I moved in to the new office and discovered that one of the best ways to work up a good sweat is reading this manual for staying fit in the office and laughing your mothereffing ass off while you and your coworkers try to emulate the positions and offer up alternative pose names. Behold:

You may wonder, "Is the Desk.r.cize program right for me?" Ask yourself these questions. Are you white? Are you secretly dreaming of being a ballerina while you work at your desk all day? Is your tie wide enough? If you answered any of these questions, Desk.r.cize is perfect for you!

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The Desk.r.cize program should not be undertaken without consulting your friends and family first. Also, be sure to have your coworkers on hand to laugh hysterically as you embark on your new, fitter, lonelier lifestyle! Note: We have used black & white (Kidding. They're only white.) people to illustrate these techniques, but please feel free to wear whatever horrible fashion you would normally wear to the office.

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Clockwise from left: The Pretty, Pretty, Pretty Tired Ballerina; The Electric Chair, The Stealth Bomber (vroom-vroom sounds optional)

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Clockwise from top left: The I-can-alsho-talk-wifout-moving-ny-liphs, The Airplane Landing-over-water, The Completely Strung Out, The Invisible Ottoman.

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Clockwise from left: The White Man Dancing, The Severe Cramps (or Get Me A Bucket), and White Man Dancing (advanced move: the Lip Bite)


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Clockwise from left: The Grabbing the Dropped Pen without Looking, The Office Nod-off, and the Hold It In It's Not Break Time Yet.

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Who, Me?

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Left: The Squeaker. Top: The I'm So Excited! Bottom Right: The Hallelujah!

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From left: The Weekend at Bernie's, The {REDACTED}, The Invisible Go Kart

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Top Left and Right: The Imaginary Carpool. Bottom left: The OhGodOhYesOhGodOhYes. Bottom Right: The I Hope No One Just Saw That.

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Top: The Clippity Clop on my Invisible Horsie. Bottom: The I Couldn't Possibly Have Another Vodka Gimlet Okay Maybe Just One More

Thanks for playing along! Now, go ahead and embark on what will surely be an active chair-bound day at your office. Be sure to share these moves with your coworkers for maximum social benefit.

a quickr pickr post

Posted bythemikestand at 8:36 AM  

11 stepped up to the mike:

Candy said... 12:13 PM, September 18, 2008  

ROFL, Oh My God.

If I ever walk into my boss's office and find him contorted in that "knee to nose" position, I will faint dead away. Awesome find!

Steph said... 1:45 PM, September 18, 2008  

Ba ha ha ha ha ha!

I only hope that, in the future, our generation is seen to be as forward thinking and fit as we were in 1980.

I think that a particular lady in a blue dress may have performed one of those exercises in the White House.

Tanya said... 4:49 PM, September 18, 2008  

Hilarious!! I've forwarded this to my colleagues...

I can't stop giggling...and it makes my abs hurt. Hey! Another office exercise. Who knew?

Brianna said... 5:02 PM, September 18, 2008  

hee awesome.

biggest giggle: white man dancing Advanced

SRH said... 5:07 PM, September 18, 2008  

"We have used black & white (Kidding. They're only white.) people to illustrate these techniques, but please feel free to wear whatever horrible fashion you would normally wear to the office."

Best line of the post. Well played, Mike, Well Played

Echomouse said... 11:43 PM, September 18, 2008  

heh. I remember these well. I used to stretch at work all the time. Had to...night and day hunched over a computer was killing my body. All my joints seized at one point. That was really fun!

I know it looks ridiculous but really, you shouldn't do some of these moves on a chair with wheels. lol

bethany actually said... 11:47 PM, September 18, 2008  

Oh my word, I nearly injured myself laughing. This is priceless. Thanks for sharing, dude!

Schmutzie said... 8:13 AM, September 19, 2008  

You are being featured on Five Star Friday:
http://www.fivestarfriday.com/2008/09/five-star-friday-edition-24.html

themikestand said... 4:01 PM, September 19, 2008  

Steph: Why am I not at all surprised that you're the one who got the "redacted" reference. Awesome analogy.

Candy said... 5:20 PM, September 19, 2008  

Congrats dude!

http://www.fivestarfriday.com/2008/09/five-star-friday-edition-24.html

HalfAsstic.com said... 8:57 PM, October 05, 2008  

Mike, I will now take time out of my busy day running a muck everywhere and hauling my 95 lb. MIL in and out of the wheelchair and bed etc. Just sweating bricks in general so that I can run in and sit in the desk chair and perform these incredibly aerobic looking maneuvers. This will surely be what puts me over the top in the physical fittness department.
Thank you for this lifesaver;)

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