The Daddy is IN

IF you were a father…

And IF you were to take a day off in the middle of the week to spend with your kids, thereby sending your wife to work to win bread and not deal with snot and eye-goop and tantrums and corn bran underfoot on the kitchen floor;

And IF you were to take your kids to Wednesday Playgroup with all the Hot Mommies;

And IF you knew that there's a tacit agreement that afterwards you'd all take your kids to an oceanside playground;

And IF, knowing this, you actually prepared two ham-and-cheese-sandwiches* and a bevy of other foods your kids will probably eat on the run/climb/slide;

THEN you may learn any or all of the following:

1) Other moms may not take kindly to you coming better prepared than they to the "Afterparty"

2) There exists such a thing as a "honeydew" list, only it's really a "Honey, do" list of demands put on significant others which ostensibly make up for the fact that full-time-momming is damned hard work and that someone else ought to pull their weight around the house. You may not enjoy the way this is confessed to you, or fully understand their wry grins as they do so.

3) Being something of a novelty at playgroup, you should avoid being overly active in the "playing", lest you become the object of affection to one or more 4-year-old-girls whose moms will only pretend that their little darling's attachment to you is humourous as you try time and time again to change the subject and extricate yourself from the little play-kitchen.

4) Attempting to keep up with the gossip can only lead to disaster. So can any attempt to Playgroup-parent other people's children, no matter how mean, greedy, or violent they get with your own offspring and one another, and no matter how blind-eyed the parents are.

So take it from me. If you're new to Playgroup, just lay low for a while. At least until all the hot mommies know your name and remember you between your sporadic Daddy on Duty days. Stay at Home Dads earn the right to cavort and carry-on with the rest of them. Don't expect you can slide right in and pick up where your wife left off.

That said, bringing your camera along and sending awesome Afterparty pictures to the Hot Mommies may win you some points.**  

*which actually contain no ham, on account of all those unholy nitrites***.

** Pictures to follow. Maybe. Stay tuned.

*** nitrites be damned, do not take away my bacon!

Posted bythemikestand at 12:55 PM  

2 stepped up to the mike: said... 2:18 PM, May 08, 2008  

Awwww, geeze! Now I wish I'd never read that nitrate crap! Wanna hit Undo, wanna hit Undo!

Karen said... 3:53 PM, May 09, 2008  

Mmm, bacon.

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