They say the memory is the second thing to go

When you're pregnant, they call it Pregnancy Brain. Already had the kid? Mommy-Brain. When you're the dad, I have no idea what it's called. Pre-senility? (Sounds like Pre-med, or Pre-law, but without the promise of inflated paycheques.) Whatever it is, I've got it. And about the only thing I can attribute it to is a general lack of uninterrupted sleep over the past four years. It's either that, or I should be seeking help for possible Adult ADHD.

On Wednesday, I tripped off for a much-delayed visit to the physiotherapist for an initial consult on a June 2007 referral (thankfully my health care plan gives me a year to act on a referral, which probably doesn't help my procrastinating nature out very much. Soon I'll be in the mood to start filing the papers to officially name my two children.) The referral, in unfortunate legible script, documented that I (allegedly) reinjured my medial meniscus "getting out of bed" the previous March, which was true. That was back in the day when Younger Son was "sleeping" at the foot of our bed and any movement at all, including the contracting of my lungs and the resulting air escape, was likely to wake the little darling. And so I contorted my body to get out of the bed without rustling the sheets, and heard what I can only describe as "the popping sound that broke my heart".

So far it sounds like I have a pretty good memory for events like this. Just wait.

Sitting across from Rob the Physiotherapist on Wednesday, we were going through my chart, full of blank spots to be filled in with dubious accuracy during the consult.

Rob: It says here that you had an ACL reconstruction in 2003?
Mike: Uhh, yeah, I guess it was then.

Rob: [chuckling] You don't remember?
Mike: It's been a while, eh. I think I injured it in 2001, or maybe 2000. Anyway, it took a long time get it done.

Rob: But you recovered well?
Mike: Yeah, no problems.

Rob: Was it the [long drawn out explanation of procedure]? 
Mike: Yes! (That one I knew.) I was playing without a brace within [thinking] ..uh… a year? Two years?

Rob: [still smiling] Good, good. And you reinjured it [looking at referral] getting out of bed. In… March? Wait, is this last year?
Mike: Yeah. [looking down] I sort of didn't act on this last year, but I thought I'd better get it done before ultimate season. (Note: I considered lying about why I hadn't come in, and saying I forgot about it, but at this point, I felt particularly vulnerable.)

Rob: How long have you been playing ultimate?
Mike: Uhh…

At this point, Rob was likely convinced that I was suffering from some sort of head injury which affected my memory. I did come up with an answer to that (using a lot of "I thinks" and "Abouts"), but I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he asked me to pay up front next time, in case I wander out of the office without paying at the end and forget to come to my future appointments.

He gave me some leg and knee exercises to do at home, which could ensure my future induction into the Rockettes if I stick to the regimen. And there are only four exercises -- I have a feeling he told the kinesiologist on staff to start slow, and not to stress the new patient's brain too much.

So far, so good. I think.

Posted bythemikestand at 10:16 AM  

4 stepped up to the mike:

sween said... 12:49 PM, April 25, 2008  

Hey, I regularly call myself 37 when I'm actually 36. Can I join your club?

Does this club include naptimes?

Sizzle said... 1:17 PM, April 25, 2008  

I'm not even a parent and I can't tell what year I did what unless I think back to a) what house I was living in or b) who I was dating. It's really quite ridiculous. I didn't smoke that much weed in college!

richgold said... 1:04 AM, April 28, 2008  

Ha! I keep loosing children. I haven't left one on the bus yet, but I have wandered around with some level of lighthandedness, deep down knowing something was wrong, only to realize that I was missing a cling-on or two or, well, um, I think it's four now. Gawd help me! I'm in the middle of "birthday season! (one a month for three months IN A ROW!)

Sigh. I keep telling myself "It seemed like such a good idea at the time."

HalfAsstic.com said... 7:25 PM, April 28, 2008  

Ah, yes... "Child-wrangler brain".
A very hairy medical condition. I empathize with you!
You blog is great and I love reading it!
I am tagging you! I will be linking to you on my site and there will be a list of "rules" there if you would be so kind as to play along!
Anyway, keep up the good work!

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