Drowning in the Football Pool

Are you ready for some football?!
 
No?
 
Well, The Lovely Wife sure is. And I, for one, am excited at the prospect of spending more quality time with her, and not just keeping the kids out of her hair and periodically refilling the pretzel bowl on Sunday afternoons.  In the past few weeks, she's been preparing for the upcoming NFL season and following strict training regimen that will, if successful, allow her to stay up until at least the end of the first half of late games.  For the non Atlantic Canadians (if there are any reading this), that means she will have to stay up until close to 11 PM without falling asleep on the couch. I continually rib her about this, but I have to hand it to her: I could be actually WATCHING THE GAME next to her snoozing self and she'll still know more about what's going on than I do.
 
And that means there's only one thing for me to do: Join an NFL Football pool.
 
Last year, I made it to Week 12 before losing my $10 in a pick-a-winner pool*. Basically, you choose a winning team from any matchup, every week. If your pick loses that week, you're out. The only hitch: you can't pick the same team to win twice. Also, picking against a variety of teams is a good idea, in case there's a tie between pool contestants when it's all over.
 
I know, you're thinking: "Why would you do such a thing, Mike? Are you insane? Or just benevolent?"
 
Both, really. Plus, with TLW and the Vegas Betting Odds** on my side, I have a half decent chance of making it to American Thanksgiving before donating my money to some poor schmuck who'll probably use the winnings to buy a suitcase of Schlitz.  (I'm joking, of course.  You can't buy that crap up here.) Add to this the efforts of one (two?) Scott Feschuk, and Scott Reid, former bigwigs in the Prime Minister (of CANADA)'s Office and self-admitted horrible prognosticators giving me the lowdown on how they, had they not lost all their own money already, would bet on the week's games, and I'm golden. The only hitch in looking at their Week 1 picks seems to be that they rarely agree on who'll win each game. C'mon, Scotts... the matchups can't all be that close. It's a good thing you're funny.
 
So if you're any kind of NFL fan, you can send me your predictions for game winners every week to my email address above. Don't feel you have to justify your picks. And hey, if I win, I'll share the Schlitz. But only if you buy it and bring it to Canada.
 
And every Sunday night, you can find me paying rapt attention to the late game next to my snoozing wife, persistently brushing imaginary stray popcorn kernels off her shirt while she dreamily swats me away like the pest that I really am.
 
 
 
*I also finished in the top half of an Australian Footie Tipping pool a few years back, proving that I possess superior prowess for choosing winners directly out of my darriere.
 
** Dear employer: I promise not to check the Vegas odds from work anymore. It honestly didn't occur to me that it could be construed as "gambling" at work, though really, I guess that's exactly what I was using it for.

Posted bythemikestand at 1:57 PM  

4 stepped up to the mike:

Megan said... 2:14 PM, September 06, 2007  

Ha. Have fun. I never really got into football, and I am an actual American. Heck, I can't even stay awake through many movies, much less sporting events. Even thinking about them make me tired.

SRH said... 10:51 AM, September 07, 2007  

(I'm joking, of course. You can't buy that crap up here.)

Pure Genius

cronznet said... 2:12 PM, September 07, 2007  

When my niece was trying to learn about American football she actually took notes about the game, resulting in her written phrase, "out of bounce," becoming part of our family lexicon.
I'm very glad that summer and its pesky vacation time is over Mr. Mike, and you have more time at work to post your thoughts...

blackbeltmama said... 2:38 PM, September 07, 2007  

Sounds to me like you guys need to play some fantasy football!

Post a Comment