Laws of the Land, Part III

The bubble bath is your friend. But beware; in an instant, your friend can become your enemy.

We employ the miracle of the bath often. Some might say at every opportunity. Nearly nightly, it affords us the ability to put the kids somewhere they not only like to be, but they generally don't fight while in the tub, and they rarely get close enough to your beer to knock it over. In a way, it's like our little trailer park indoor pool. And lately, it's the only way we can get an extra hour of consciousness out of Younger Son after dinner.

Adding bubbles to the bath can be a great way to ensure that your kids actually get soap touching their bodies, without them screaming and squealing that it hurts! And it's in their EYES! And that they're already clean, Daddy! And that huge pile of dirt outside didn't in any way get them dirty. Just remember that bubbles also mask things below the surface of the bathwater, and if the timing of the bath is just right wrong, you may hear the following from one of your kids:

Daddy? Umm... can you get the poop out of here?

And the next thing you know, you are pushing pesky bubbles aside to look for offending (and offensive) bath-crashers. And then, you lose all inhibition and embrace the gross (literally) as you become the pooper scooper.

There's an innate skill to timing things around diaper-related events. Long car trips, trips to the coffee shop, and (I can only imagine) sunday mornings in church. Most scenarios can be dealt with easily enough by excusing yourself and your child, but the bath is like being on the front line in the war against poop.

(But not terror. It's much worse than that.)

Posted bythemikestand at 3:35 PM  

11 stepped up to the mike:

Lesley said... 4:56 PM, June 21, 2007  

I frequently get in the tub with my 2 yr old daughter, it's lots of fun and we both get clean. One night I thought "Won't it be nice to bring the baby (then 2 weeks old) in here and we can all get clean?" So I did.
And he pooped. And pooped and pooped and pooped the way only breastfed newborns can...all over us. My daughter stood up and hollered "THAT BABY IS POOPIN INNA TUBBY!!! DADDY, YOU COME GET THAT BABY! THAT'S GROSS!!!"
We opted to shower instead.

Steph said... 5:11 PM, June 21, 2007  

When we were wee tots, my cousins and I would bathe together. One memorable time, Andy, Jon and I were playing with Star Wars action figures in the tub and lamented our lack of a raft. Quick thinking Jon, the youngest, said, "Hey, you can use this!"

EW, ew, ew... Andy and I were out of the tub in a flash.

Alison said... 7:19 PM, June 21, 2007  

I'm so glad we're past the tub poopin' stage. Although with my luck, now that I've said that, The Boy will suffer some sort of relapse and I'll be scooping poop for the next ten baths.

Tabba said... 9:51 PM, June 21, 2007  

Luckily *knocks on wood*, we've never had to deal with a floater.


That'll probably happen tomorrow night now that I went and jinxed myself.

Funny, funny stuff!

Brianna said... 10:20 PM, June 21, 2007  

wow, I totally wanted to have kids someday right up until I read this post. Mike, good job stopping overpopulation.

SRH said... 10:33 AM, June 22, 2007  

Little Man pooped in the tub once. It freaked him out and it has never happened again

Candy said... 11:27 AM, June 22, 2007  

I thought I was the only one.

One night, I put my then two year old daughter in the tub, and settled on the closed john to nurse the newborn, and while in there, she copped a squat. I didn't realize it until she was finished. So now I have a baby attached to me, and a tub full of poo. I was unhappy. She never did that again.

jenny said... 6:02 PM, June 22, 2007  

oh brianna? amen, my sista! :)

kajal said... 10:27 PM, June 25, 2007  

My friend Russ's friend pooped in the the pool to avoid lifeguarding one day (if there's poop in the pool, they close it). You should also check out my friend Brent's blog (he's a daddy blogger like you)

Sarah Adams said... 12:56 PM, June 28, 2007  

There are just so many things that no one warns you about before you become a parent - probably because no one ever would. Thanks for the heads-up! (Note to self: do not take baths with the baby.)

themikestand said... 1:11 PM, June 28, 2007  

lesley: Awesome. You have to blog those moments for posterity :)

steph: Ew. 25 years later. Ew.

alison: I think we're mostly through it now, too. Mostly.

tabba: Lucky indeed. I think you've sufficiently tempted fate, now.

brianna and Jenny: no problem. I'm a walking, talking, blogging PSA for contraception.

srh: Fate is tempted once again.

candy: I didn't know parental displeasure really ever counted for anything. Good to know it may, someday.

sarah: parent bloggers are your friend, and a good resource. It wouldn't be the first time I've been thanked for giving a heads-up on parenting stuff (mostly in regards to NEVER. HAVING. KIDS, as above.)

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