The ALL NEW Parent Game!

Growing up, I played the Game of Life with friends on the street*. Today, I barely remember the game, other than the little white car and the small figurines for man and woman that you would wind up with at the end. I see now that the game has undergone several revisions and improvements from the version I used to play. Sure you still go to college, get married, buy a house, and have kids...wait, did I say the Game of MY Life? Oh, nevermind.

So here's my contribution to the parenting community, who just desperately needs a new board game, or at least something to do while you're drinking with other parents on a Friday night and a whole slew of kids are sleeping on various floors in the house. It's the All NEW Parent Game! (And no, there wasn't an old one, but how could anyone resist something that's ALL! And NEW!?)

Start with a board. Something like....this, maybe.

The board documents several randomly selected stops on the road through parenthood. How do you move around the board? Good question. In keeping with the theme of ripping things off, I suggest an empty bottle. Spin it and either advance your game piece or kiss someone. Where are the game pieces, you ask? Use bottle caps or corks from your wine bottles. Paint happy faces on them. Pretend it's craft time.

Each time it's your turn, you get to advance your piece to the next stop on the road. It doesn't matter what the stops are, really, because I'm sure everyone in the room's got a story to tell once you get there. Of course, the game board designer (hi!) is only three years into this parenthood thing. I'm sure others out there would have something to say about other stops along the way. So go ahead and make your OWN board if you don't like mine, you big jerk.

Add in a few handy bonus cards that will help you along the way:

These can be played whenver you feel the need a little boost during the game, or a leg-up over your competitors. Don't bother waiting your turn. Your kids aren't in the room. Feel free to print these out and use them in your everyday life if you wish. Impress and confuse the other parents at playdates! It'll be fun.

Continue playing until you're either hopelessly drunk or sobbing quietly into your neighbour's shoulder. Either way, the party's over for you, and you may or may not get invited back. But don't say I didn't warn you.

Oh, and in case anyone out there thinks this kind of thing would fly in real life, I'll claim all Intellectual Property rights. Unless I'll be sued for it, in which case I deny everything.

*And by "street", I mean that special brand of WASP, low-density, suburban street -- not the "street" that teaches kids the best way to conceal weaponry.

note : I did email Melissa Summers to get her permission to use the momtini card, but it was the weekend before the great big event which led to other events which probably still haven't finished yet. I'm sure she would have responded with things like "sure, go ahead!" and "I'd be flattered", and "who are you, again?" if she'd had the time to read her email.

Posted bythemikestand at 7:21 AM  

8 stepped up to the mike:

Brianna said... 9:11 AM, March 27, 2007  

you are awesome.

FrozenExtremities said... 11:37 AM, March 27, 2007  

Holy freakin' heck that is too funny.

Steph said... 11:56 AM, March 27, 2007  

This is brilliant!

I'd like to suggest a "Hit The Bullseye" card for the late night dosing of antibiotics / cold medication - when the kid is half awake and you are half asleep and half of that dose of very expensive / sticky medicine is going to land on their pajamas, no matter what you do.

cronznet said... 12:21 PM, March 27, 2007  

Yes, brilliant! And we hang out with just the type of class-A nerds to actually play this sort of game...although we'll probably just spin the bottle, the person it points to has to tell a parenting story while the rest of us sip our beverage(s) of choice. Kinda the Cliff Notes version.
And I want to add an Auntie Poop card (pun intended), meaning whenever the diaper is full the Auntie has to change it instead of any parental units.

Lesley said... 6:02 PM, March 27, 2007  

loves it...when does it go on the market?

Megan said... 1:37 AM, March 28, 2007  

Haha. How about "Hire a babysitter to take care of your three year old twins while you try to take a bath in peace"? Yep, I was that babysitter.

Elizabeth said... 10:58 AM, March 28, 2007  

That was BRILLIANT. How did you make those cards?

And yes, there needs to be a "Collect one free babysitter" card. Because teens today are just not so interested in babysitting like when I was a teen.

themikestand said... 11:02 AM, March 28, 2007  

Great ideas, every one.

And elizabeth, I did them all in Power Point and then just took screenshots. Low-tech, but just my level of tech.

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