Donner wasn't part of the Great Eight after all

IMG_2939.jpgI can't help it -- writing about children's books, that is. I wrote about sheep, about Dick and Jane, and now about the fat red dude and his flying caribou. Only this time, The Lovely Wife and I are stunned when we learn that Donner wasn't in fact on the original roster to fly Big Red around the globe on the eve of the 24th. Instead, it was his arch nemesis, Donder.

IMG_2940.jpgHere's my take on the story:You see, Donder was a bit of a badass. Rumor has it he was the ringleader of the group who originally blackballed that freak of nature, Rudolph. He'd told the other reindeer that Rudolph's mother was a substance abuser and that's why he had that shiny, red nose (You would even say it glows). Reindeer being both naturally persuasive and insanely gullible*, they bought it and, well... the next thing you know, no reindeer games for Rudy.

But the lies couldn't last forever. Prior to the foggy Christmas eve event we're all too aware of, Donder confessed to making it all up, after Cupid cornered him on it. Donder, having violated the reindeer contract, was forced to step down as #7 in the team, and Donner was called up from the ranks (several grievances were launched, speculating that Donner only got the nod because the nameplate could be easily modified to accommodate the change). Donner and Donder had a long history of butting heads; they seldom agreed on anything, like if Cupid was the cutest reindeer or whether Prancer was secretly leading an alternative lifestyle. Regardless, Donner performed his duties well, and the rest is his-to-ry.

Unfortunately, a number of books were authored and published by "Donder sympathizers" who, to this day, maintain that he was set up; that no rumours were ever started by this "rogue reindeer" as he was dubbed. And though it's extremely rare to run across these examples of guerilla publications, they are out there. Be vigilant. Beware.

But whatever you do, be good. For goodness sake.

a quickr pickr post

*The Lovely Wife tells me that reindeer are actually terribly near-sighted and a human can approach with arms held out and get within only a few feet before the animal realises it's not a fellow reindeer and turns tail and boogies.

There's apparently a perfectly good explanation for this. Donder and Donner are both wrong. It's "Dunder". And Blitzen? Nope. It's Blixem, baby. Blixem.

Posted bythemikestand at 8:54 AM  

4 stepped up to the mike:

SRH said... 11:20 AM, December 26, 2006  

I think the shift to "blizten" from "Blixem" happened after WWII because of the Blitzkrieg. Phonetically, people assumed it was Blitzen.

Happy Holidays!

themikestand said... 8:40 AM, December 28, 2006  

srh, that seems sort of counterintuitive. If Blitzen was reminding people of the Blitzkrieg, they should have stuck with Blixem.

I won't even get into the Dunder/Donder situation. Oh, the politics of Christmas stories.

SRH said... 11:33 AM, December 28, 2006  

Oh, I am not saying that people lovingly embraced the idea of Blizten because of the Bliztkrieg. I am saying that they knew that Blitzkrieg was a real word that they knew that meant Lightning Warfare, and reindeer have to be fast, so they associated "Lightning fast" with the sleigh pullers and Blizten was born. Wow, that was a run on of epic proportions.

Mabel said... 12:17 PM, January 03, 2007  

To quote the only ultimate team I've ever seen that used a ski for a seven-person shot glass,
there ain't no party like a Donner Party 'cause a Donner Party don't stop!

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