A Meme of Violent Proportions

I've been memed again, this time by Dustin over at Cotters In My Tummy. The topic? Top Five Nouns I Want to Fight: A Meme of Violent Proportions.

I must admit, at first glance I thought he was going to be describing the top five NUNS he'd like to fight. But after Mother Theresa and the Flying Nun, I wasn't sure where he'd go. Apparently my 'reading skills' need some fine tuning.

From Dustin:

    Not that I’m an overly aggressive person (unless you’re a computer generated image that gets in front of my crosshairs while playing Counter Strike), but recently I find myself wishing I could throw a beat down to various people, places, and things. Hence the idea for this meme. We all have those nouns that annoy us to no end and would love to rough up a bit, so here is your chance. Fighting doesn’t mean killing (that’s a separate meme currently circulating Riker’s Island) or even drawing blood. Whether it’s cuss out, bitch slap, or body slam, it really all depends on your own pent up rage.

And so I lace up the gloves...

Number One: My goofy, backwater government
No, not my federal government (employer of Yours Truly), but the provincial government. The same government who promises "relief from rising gasoline prices" by implementing "price management", which immediately leads to a 2.5 cent per litre (that's 10 cents/gallon for your Americans) hike in gas prices. Wow, thanks a bundle, Government! This is the same government who seems to be writing legislation against Sunday Shopping for the sole purpose of inviting massive lawsuits and charter challenges, just so they can tell their constituents: "See? We tried. We really did. But apparently our last-ditch legislation was illegal! Oh well. Enjoy your Sunday shopping!".

Number Two: Airlines and this godforsaken huge country
Unfortunately, I can't blame the airlines entirely for this, because after all, it was this blogger who moved 5,000 km from his family. Little did I know that at some point, I would have a wife and two kids who would have to be transported back home for a wedding this summer. And little did I know that the Toddler would necessitate a full price seat on the airplane (even though he weighs all of 32 lbs with a full diaper), and thus the trip would cost us a whopping $2,700 for a ten-day sojourn back to the homeland. What about free-market competition, you say? Oh, we have two (2) airlines to choose from. How could it be more competitive than that? As if the journey itself won't be challenging enough, there will be no free meals and no in-flight movie. There better damn well be something good on the "satellite TV" or I'm going to find a new use for the fold-out safety cards, and it might not be pretty.

Number Three: The Common Cold
The three other people in my family are sick. And it's not looking promising for me. The Toddler has been incubating the latest pandemic for about a week, sharing it with Younger Son about three days ago. The Lovely Wife, sequestered with both of them over the past weekend, came down with it the moment I strolled into the house after my weekend away -- full-blown sinus headache, sneezes, and all. What is it about Summer colds that just knocks you on your keister? Is it because you're not expecting it, or is there something fiendishly sinister about it? At least with the Toddler we had until he hit daycare (aka "the Petri dish") to enjoy all things disease related; Younger Son can benefit from being sick since Day 1. I pray that it's only me who's sick on the plane tomorrow (see Number Two).

Number Four: Humidity
C'mon, Seaside town. Give this prairie boy a break! You're killing me over here. Two showers a day just don't seem to be enough sometimes. I get up for a pee in the middle of the night and think, "huh. I could totally just hop in the shower and then get back into (i.e. on top of) bed." Special bitch-slappery goes to my climate controlled environment at work, which allows me to completely overdress for the weather, or completely underdress for cubicle life. Thinking about riding your bike? HAHAHA. Better bring a towel so you can shower at work* before you even get to your cube.

*Actually, the shower option at work is nice to have, but there's no way I could have enough time to make use of it, so I just go through the day looking as though I groom myself with a wet leaf.

Number Five: The CSI Phenomenon
As new(ish) parents, it's always nice to have something enjoyable on television, because at the end of the day, you're bound to need some mindless entertainment to flake out to. CSI served its purpose once in our lives -- I remember when I used to actually have to think about when it was on, so that I could plan to catch the start of it. Now you can't go more than two channels without running into some spin-off CSI show, or three CSIs in a row. CSI Marathon? No need! We have one every night! It's not bad enough that they're contrived and seem to reach resolution at a quarter-to-the-hour, forcing me to watch the weather station or (god help me) MuchMoreMusic (which never airs music videos anyway) until something more interesting comes on at the top of the hour, but Lord help me lest I hunt down that William Shatner knock-off David Caruso and smack that smug look off his face. Aside: My brother does an awesome impersonation of Horatio Cane. It's worth seeing. And about Gary Sinise? CSI, thou hast sullied his cred. Shame, shame, shame.

The Inevitable Tag:
- Jason at http://spacemonkeypants.com
- Jamie Ford at http://jamieford.com/bittersweet-blog
- Kelly at http://www.mochamomma.com
- Brianna at http://randomaccessbabble.blogspot.com
- G at http://stayingwest.blogspot.com

(sorry about the poor quality linkage… I can't send html through this email program)

Posted bythemikestand at 11:53 AM  

3 stepped up to the mike:

sween said... 2:16 PM, July 06, 2006  

Great. Now I have more blog material that I don't have time to write. Thanks. Thanks a lot, Walrusfoot.

Dustin said... 10:56 PM, July 06, 2006  

You get Eight Thousand bonus points for using the term "bitch-slappery." Made. My. Night.

P.S. Throwing a smack down to humidity, good one. I should have thought of that.

Megan said... 9:26 AM, July 10, 2006  

Haha. Very funny. Have a good trip. Oh, and something for you to ponder- Five Verbs you want to fight. :)

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