Losing my mind

Gentle reader, have you even reached the point where you're not sure you're all "there" anymore? Not that you've gone totally bonkers (because really, if you had, you wouldn't care), but just that you can no longer be responsible for your own well being?

I think I'm approaching that point right now.

(Yes, Jason, this has something to do with my kids - but I haven't blogged about them recently, so there. Phthbthbthb!)

I have a very important appointment tomorrorow morning, and yet I can't even trust myself to get the day right. Last night, as I lie in my bed, I thought to myself, "Oh, christ. If I had the day wrong and it's actually on Tuesday and not Wednesday, I'm seriously gerfucked." I was pretty sure I had the correct day, and surprisingly it didn't ruin my sleep completely. But this morning even before I dove into my coffee, I had to check gmail on my lovely wife's computer to ensure that indeed the appointment was on Wednesday.

It was, and is, tomorrow. Yay.

"So what?", you may say. "Just because you lost track of the day, or an appointment, that doesn't mean you're completely losing it."

But it happens ll. the. time. I mean it. And not only that. I lose shit. All. the. time. The houseplants are dying. Piles are growing bigger and bigger.

How can I take care of my family, my kids, and not have the ability to look after my own affairs?

I seriously need a new routine. But where do I find the time to sit down and think about how to reorganize my life so I can take care of my family and at least BEGIN to live the type of life I want to live.

Last night I got to work late. That is, after 5pm, which really isn't all that late. And it was good. It really was good. But it was at the expense of not being able to do my fatherly duties at home, and even though I know there was plenty of help back on the homestead, I still felt like I was shirking duties. Work is easy. Predictable. Peaceful (*at times).

Stay at home momming? Let's just say I'm glad I don't produce milk.

(If my wife's reading this, I love you. I really do, and I'm not at all unhappy with life. But you know I'm driving myself bonkers with my inability to adjust to this new routine. And if my 3 month old boy is looking over his mom's shoulder right now, well... it's a good thing you can't read, but it's not about you either. And if my two-year-old is reading this: Stop touching the keys. This is mommy's computer. Your mother has asked you to stop touching the keys a bazillion times.)

It's going to get better, right?

Right?

Because if it doesn't, you may not be able to find me in the rubble that is the collection of all my worldly possessions.


Posted bythemikestand at 8:53 AM  

6 stepped up to the mike:

Jess Riley said... 12:49 PM, March 28, 2006  

I know of what you speak. I'm blaming too much drinking while in college. Or maybe early-onset dementia.

Good luck with the important appointment!

Jessica said... 3:14 PM, March 28, 2006  

I can relate to this post so well, it's nearly painful...and yet - I find your approach totally humorous.

Good luck!

Sassy said... 9:33 AM, March 29, 2006  

Oh boy, do I know what you mean. Hang in there...it eventually straightens out. *HUGS*

gingajoy said... 12:17 PM, March 29, 2006  

let me say, that if you had written a post on "i have a 3 month old, and a 2 yr old and we got this great routine going on" i'd have to seek you out for the kill..

you should read saracastic journalist right now--it might make you feel better (3 month old and an 18month old. nuff said).

when your kids get older and actually are close enough in age to entertain each other, then you can feel smug over those of us who did not have the guts;-)

good luck!

sween said... 2:07 PM, March 29, 2006  

And why shouldn't you post about your kids? Heck, you'll lose your "Daddy-Blog" certification if you don't from time to time.

What--do you want to be an AI-Blog?

themikestand said... 2:39 PM, March 29, 2006  

Jess Riley: I hadn't considered dementia. Hmm, are the drugs fantastic for that or what? (PS I'm in love with your blog.)

Jessica: If I dont joke about it, I'll wind up in the bell tower picking off unsuspecting townsfolk. Or talking to myself on the bus.

Sassygirl: Let's hope. Let's all hope. C'mon, hope with me!

joy: I don't know if I was after the glory of dad-hood, but it's nice to know there may be some in there for me. Someday.

Jason: What would I do when AI was over? I shudder to think. I also shudder to think that people may actually -just- read me for the AI snarkiness. I guess there's always Canadian Idol!

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